When your heart is broken, much more of you breaks along with it. For me, I have been weeping over a broken voice. Sometimes when I sing to the Lord the words are felt from so deep within and surrounded by so much pain I am amazed I am even able to utter them. Many songs that once brought me only joy bring tears. Words that once flowed off my tongue with ease hold different meaning now and are harder to sing. Mercy Me illustrates this battle well:
“It’s easy to sing when there’s nothing to bring me down
But what will I say when I’m held to the flame like I am right now”
I wish so very much that I could go back to a time when singing was easy. When I didn’t know hard. But I can’t. Because the mountain I face cannot be moved. The longing I have to hold my baby girl again on earth will never go away. That ache can’t be soothed this side of heaven. But the same God that formed Madelyn in my womb, that gave me my sweet baby girl, is the same God who longs to hear my broken voice. Because, to Him, it’s not broken. It’s beautiful. Because it comes from a heart who needs Him. From a voice that absolutely cannot sing without Him. So this morning, I will step on stage to praise Him with song for the first time since my baby girl went to heaven. Because even though my life has changed since I last stood there, God’s purpose for me has not. I was made worship. To praise. Even when it hurts.
“But God, when You choose
To leave mountains unmovable
Oh give me the strength to be able to sing
It is well with my soul”
And strength He gives. Always. Until all hearts are mended. And all broken voices are put back together again.
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