As we approach Madelyn’s birth month, I feel God holding me tighter. He knew that it would be hard to see little girls dressed in precious outfits covered in hearts yesterday, so He gave me Romans 15:13 in the early morning hours, in a house that was still quiet. He knew I would need that verse before I did. He knew my physical body would start to feel anxiousness and fear creeping in. As a sweet friend explained, it’s like your body knows. My body knows spring is coming. That March 10 is coming. I don’t know how I will process it, and I’m certain there will be those take-your-breath-away, on the floor, crying out to God moments. I don’t physically shed as many tears now as I did in the beginning, but my heart cries just as much. It cries when I see cute valentines dresses. It cries when I see healthy newborns, pink with life. It cries when I learn of another mama who was not able to hold her baby alive. It cries when I take a picture of my boys, and know she is missing. But we press on in the race God has set before us. Our family is strong because God saw us that way. He knew we would bear this cross on our shoulders and continue to run the race through the pain. So, as many other things in life, our Valentines Day was different. Our boys decorated bags and attended their preschool parties. We put together sweet gifts for their friends and teachers. And we enjoyed it so much. But we also mourned the absence of our little girl and sister. We mourned to see the picture of what we will see in heaven one day, when we are all together. And just like He always does, God was faithful to give us a glimpse. His glimpses have been given through so many different things this past year. Yesterday, it was in a simple valentine, created by a four-year-old for his sister, on which he drew a map to heaven. Yes, sweet Caleb, we we are going there. Yes, Jesus has given us a map. From earth to heaven. And it’s through Him. And one day, we will use that map to see our Madelyn again.
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