At our hospital, the symbol for a stillborn baby is a butterfly. Instead of pink or blue feet, they place a butterfly sticker outside your door. So, everyone entering our room was aware of what had happened. After Madelyn was born, Matt and I received wonderful gifts from the hospital staff, and many had butterflies on them. A beautiful quilt with pink butterflies on it was one of my favorites. When my nurses were making copies of Madelyn’s hand and footprints, we placed some on the quilt. What a sweet way to cherish the most beautiful hands and feet I’ve ever seen. We were also given a memory box with several special things, and the box had a butterfly on top. I knew upon leaving the hospital that butterflies would be very special to me from then on.
A few days after we got home, I was sitting at the kitchen table with my boys. Our kitchen window was open to let the sunshine in. All of a sudden, Caleb said, “Mama, I just saw a butterfly.” Now, this might seem like an ordinary thing to say. After all, it is springtime. But, I do not recall him saying this to me before. Now, we’ve probably talked about butterflies. Certainly last spring we had conversations about them. But I can’t recall a time, to my knowledge, that Caleb has pointed one out. Much less, to point one out while inside, sitting at our kitchen table. I instantly got chills, and knew God was speaking to me. Madelyn was ok. In fact, she was more than ok. She was happy. She was with Jesus. Caleb proceeded to tell me that the butterfly was purple and pink, and described where he saw it flew. I listened in awe as I heard Our Heavenly Father speaking through my little boy.
The next day, a dear friend came over for a visit. As she was leaving, she went to grab her purse from the kitchen. She called out to me, “Jen, do you know what recipe is on display on your cookbook?” Now, a few days before, I had finally decided to throw out the Thanksgiving magazine that had been placed on top of the cookbook that was resting, open, on the book stand in our kitchen. That tells you how often I open up a cookbook and cook! I love telling this part of the story, for the humor involved. I had walked past that magazine countless times since November and thought that it was time to throw it out, but never did. Finally, the other day, I had taken it and put it in our recycle bin. I didn’t even think to look at the recipe on display underneath. So, when I went to look, my breath was taken away when I saw the recipe: Lemon Butterfly Cupcakes. Again, God was saying, “she is ok, Jennifer. She is with me.”
Later that day, I was searching in my purse for something, when my hand ran across something. Instantly, I knew what it was. I couldn’t remember who gave it to me, or when. It’s been a long time. Just like the magazine, I kept thinking to take it out, but never did. Inside my purse was a flowerpot decoration. It has a hook on it and you can attach it to the side of a flowerpot. What was the decoration? A butterfly. I closed my eyes and thought, “ok, Lord. I’m listening. I hear you. Thank you.”
When I tell this story, I make sure to include my certainty that Madelyn had a hand in these sweet blessings. I like to think of her sitting with Jesus and saying, “Jesus, I want to help my mommy feel better.” To which Jesus replies, “me too, sweet child.” I like to think that together, they came up with these sweet ways to touch my heart. I’ve never had an experience where I was certain God was speaking. I’ve felt His nudges, promptings, and comfort, and I’ve felt his guidance throughout my life. But never have I had such a clear sign from Him. Thank you, Lord, for butterflies. Thank you for this sweetness you’ve given me. Every time I see a butterfly, I will think of Madelyn. What a wonderful gift.
“And after the fire came a gentle whisper…”
~1 Kings 19: 12
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