The day after we came home from the hospital, there was a quiet moment when I was filled with sorrow. I was not sure what I could do to make it better. The only thing I wanted to do was hold my daughter. I decided to write a letter to her. I’m so glad I did, because it allowed me to talk to her. I cried the entire time, but it felt so good to share her birth story and reflect on the good. I share this letter because it shares her. She existed, she is not forgotten, and will never be. I will never let her memory fade. She is a part of our family and will be with us always.
Sunday, March 12, 2017
Dear Sweet Madelyn Grace,
It’s only been a few days since your passing, and there has not been a moment that has gone by that your mommy and daddy have not thought about and loved you. What a beautiful baby girl you were. I can still feel you and smell you. You had blonde curly hair like your mommy, and just like your brother, Caleb. After two brothers who have blue eyes like their mommy, you had your daddy’s beautiful hazel eyes. You had the sweetest long fingers and toes, and the most beautiful mouth. One of your feet had an arch in it, and one was flat. You had so many parts that made you so special. You were a little angel. When they handed you to me, you were warm and pink, with so much life still in you. I held you for the longest time, and we were able to call daddy and he was able to see you right after you were born. I held you and held you in my arms. The nurses gave you a bath and talked to you so sweetly. You loved getting your head washed, just like all little babies do. The nurses helped me dress you in the sweetest pink dress, pink polka dot hat, and sweet little diaper. They swaddled you in your blanket with the grey and pink birds mommy brought from home, and handed you back to me. I held you for hours. When daddy arrived, he held you close and kissed your head over and over. He couldn’t stop marveling at your sweet little hands and feet. When I told him you had his eyes, it was the most precious moment watching him cry and hold you close, repeating, “you have my eyes.” Your daddy held you for hours and hours. When it came time to say goodbye to you, mommy held you close and kissed your head one last time. We will never forget that special time with you, sweet baby. It will remain a precious memory in our hearts forever. We take comfort in knowing that you are at peace, laughing and playing and sitting on the knee of Jesus. We can’t wait to see you one day, and hug you, run our fingers through your blonde, curly hair, look into those big, hazel eyes, and tell you how much we love you. Until then, there will not be a day that goes by that we will not love and miss you.
Love,
Mommy
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