As a parent, one of the most enjoyable things to do is to share and talk about your child. It comes so naturally. When the boys were born, I loved celebrating and sharing them. I placed stickers on their bellies to take monthly photos and like all proud mamas, posted them for friends to see. I found myself taking what seemed be 100 pictures a day. Every facial expression, new outfit worn, outings and introductions to family and friends. First smiles, first giggles, sleeping through the night, first words, first steps. When those things happen, as a parent you can’t wait to share it with the world.
Madelyn is my little girl. She is just as much my child as my boys are. She is part of our family, even though she is no longer here on earth. Yes, there are times and there will always be times when it is hard for me to talk about her. Because even though there is so much joy in sharing her, part of it also hurts. I want so badly for her to be here. To be able to experience and share her first smile, first laugh, or first steps. But, even though we won’t get to see these things during our time on earth, she is still with us. She is a part of us. And because she so much a part of us, as we live on, so does she. For a while, I didn’t know how to respond when I was asked, “what do you need?” Nothing can ease the pain of loosing child. It was very hard to talk about her because the sadness was overwhelming. I missed her so, and still do, just as much. Recently, though, as the fog has slowly lifted my head, I have realized something I need very much. I need to talk about her, even though it hurts. I want and need others to acknowledge her. To say they love her too. To share in my joy about my beautiful baby girl that God blessed me with. Her sweet, delicate hands. Her curly blonde hair. Her daddy’s eyes. How she always moved from 10-11 at night, like clockwork. She loved routine like her mama, and was a night owl like her daddy. How she loved music, and when I would start to sing, she would stop kicking to listen. These are all things I want people to know about her, because I want her to be known. Just as any mama of a newborn wants their child to be known. We want others to fall in love with our children just as much as we have.
I won’t be able to share pictures of Madelyn’s first smile, or watch her walk down the aisle. But, I will continue to talk about her and share about her just as I would if she were here on earth with me. And one day, she will take my hand and lead me to Jesus. And won’t that be the best picture of all.
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